In the past year, I've been on three Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep sessions. It has been a life-changing experience for me. Each session has been very different and each session has been very emotional. I wanted to blog today to raise awareness for this amazing organization. Being a part of it has changed my life in so many ways.
Each time I have gotten a call, the pit in my stomach drops and my palms get sweaty and cold. I start shaking a bit, due to nerves - being nervous about what I'm going to see, what I'm going to hear, and what I'm going to say and do. I pray for my skills and abilities to shine. I pray that I know how to react when I need to. I pray that I remain professional. And I pray for the families. I pray that above all else, that God would hold all of them throughout this time.
I was fortunate enough to go up to the Chicago area for some training on March 6th with Julie Williams. She is on the board for NILMDTS and provides training sessions for photographers. I learned so much from this training and was able to network with some other photographers. Then, Tuesday March 8th, I got a call to go do a session. I was so thankful to have been a part of the training. It helped me get through that particularly tough session.
It's been an honor to be a part of Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep. It's taught me so much about myself, my loss, and how to help others through their loss. It's shown me how to be quietly compassionate... a touch on the shoulder, a whisper to a baby, gentle posing, quietly stepping out of the room, getting water, a soft smile, a small fist wrapped around a pinky... I am honored that parents have had us there in their darkest of moments, those moments of the birth of their child and possibly the passing. The moments when they say goodbye. What an honor that they are trusting you with such precious moments.
This isn't something I "enjoy" doing. I don't look forward to these sessions. I dread them because I know the amount of pain behind them. However, I am totally honored, humbled, and amazed at this organization. I feel like this is something I need to do. I have sobbed and poured my heart out to God for these families (the car ride home is silent except for crying and prayers) and the hug waiting at home for me has become my rock.
I want to encourage anyone out there, photographer, parents, grandparents, etc... when you think about tithing, volunteering, etc... think about this organization. Think about how these parents never want to forget that beautiful child brought into their lives if only for a short time. Thank you, NILMDTS for being such a gift to these families, and to me. I am truly changed.
Thursday, March 17, 2011
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
nearing the end
I've found a couple of things that have really been helping with Gabe's temper tantrum issues. And, they've REALLY been helping. It's amazing how much easier it is to deal with a tantrum when I look at my own behavior during one. I realized I needed to change some things. Rather than getting visibly frustrated, I've really learned to keep my cool and not worry about correcting him in front of others. I've let him calmly and firmly know what is not appropriate. If he continues the behavior, it's out of sight for Gabe. He either needs to go to his room, or be removed from the activity and we'll go into another room and wait for him to calm down. Since I've blogged (granted I was gone over night Saturday) he's done so much better! And, we had an absolutely great day today at the park.
March 30th will be my last day at work. I'm sad to be leaving something I know, but I'm looking forward to what God has in store for me. I am feeling pretty aimless. I have no idea of what I want to be when I grow up! I am still looking for a part time job... hopefully something great will come along!Thursday, March 3, 2011
so, I've had a bad day.
Bad week is more like it. (just be prepared... Debbie Downer's guest blogging today! HA!)
Today, I picked up Gabe from preschool and found out from his teacher that he had some problems in class. He didn't want to get in line at the end of class and he made some faces behind her back when she was trying to correct the situation.
I was really embarassed. One of my friends told me once not to let my child's behavior define whether or not I'm a good parent. But, I feel like it totally does! I mean, obviously, your kids learn that behavior somewhere. I know I don't make faces at Greg, (and hopefully he doesn't make faces at me!) but he's picked it up somewhere. And, we've all thought in our head at one point or another, "Look at that kid... why aren't his parents doing a better job of disciplining him?" Or, "Look at that! My daughter would never do THAT!"
We've been dealing with some really awful tantrums here lately too. Like really awful. Screaming, kicking, hitting, throwing things, etc... I have been dreading blogging about it, because I've been afraid it'll make me look like a bad mom. We love our son so very much. We really are pretty consistent with discipline. He knows if he starts a tantrum, he has to go up to his room and can't come down until he can talk nicely to us. While he's up there, he may throw things (we can hear toys being thrown). Then, he calls downstairs and tells us he's ready to come down. We tell him he cannot come down until he picks up the things he was throwing. So far, that's been working pretty well. The tantrums are pretty short-lived (5-7 minutes, enough time for him to cool down). Then, he comes downstairs and every thing is fine again.
I'd like to get to the point where there are no tantrums at all. Because that first couple of minutes is pretty brutal. It's so hard to keep your patience because you just want to get frustrated and yell back. I finally decided to just blog about this for a couple of reasons... I want other moms to know that if their kids are doing the same things, they are not alone! I feel pretty alone sometimes going through this. Also, it's just really been an issue and I was hoping some of the moms out there that read my blog might have a little advice.
I'm feeling pretty vulnerable about putting this out there. But, I know it and you know it, there's no such thing as a perfect mom! We've all got things we could/should be doing better. And, this is my first go at this... I don't know what's normal and what's not. Any comments/suggestions would be much appreciated! Or, if you want to share your stories too, other moms might benefit from knowing they aren't alone.
Today, I picked up Gabe from preschool and found out from his teacher that he had some problems in class. He didn't want to get in line at the end of class and he made some faces behind her back when she was trying to correct the situation.
I was really embarassed. One of my friends told me once not to let my child's behavior define whether or not I'm a good parent. But, I feel like it totally does! I mean, obviously, your kids learn that behavior somewhere. I know I don't make faces at Greg, (and hopefully he doesn't make faces at me!) but he's picked it up somewhere. And, we've all thought in our head at one point or another, "Look at that kid... why aren't his parents doing a better job of disciplining him?" Or, "Look at that! My daughter would never do THAT!"
We've been dealing with some really awful tantrums here lately too. Like really awful. Screaming, kicking, hitting, throwing things, etc... I have been dreading blogging about it, because I've been afraid it'll make me look like a bad mom. We love our son so very much. We really are pretty consistent with discipline. He knows if he starts a tantrum, he has to go up to his room and can't come down until he can talk nicely to us. While he's up there, he may throw things (we can hear toys being thrown). Then, he calls downstairs and tells us he's ready to come down. We tell him he cannot come down until he picks up the things he was throwing. So far, that's been working pretty well. The tantrums are pretty short-lived (5-7 minutes, enough time for him to cool down). Then, he comes downstairs and every thing is fine again.
I'd like to get to the point where there are no tantrums at all. Because that first couple of minutes is pretty brutal. It's so hard to keep your patience because you just want to get frustrated and yell back. I finally decided to just blog about this for a couple of reasons... I want other moms to know that if their kids are doing the same things, they are not alone! I feel pretty alone sometimes going through this. Also, it's just really been an issue and I was hoping some of the moms out there that read my blog might have a little advice.
I'm feeling pretty vulnerable about putting this out there. But, I know it and you know it, there's no such thing as a perfect mom! We've all got things we could/should be doing better. And, this is my first go at this... I don't know what's normal and what's not. Any comments/suggestions would be much appreciated! Or, if you want to share your stories too, other moms might benefit from knowing they aren't alone.
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