Another post about Parenthood.

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Any of you that follow my blog know how much I love the show Parenthood. Tonight's episode hit especially close to home. I won't provide any spoilers except to say that I know how hard it is to be an adoptive mom in waiting while you know your child is on the way. You've been matched with a birth mom, but the baby you have already started loving is growing inside someone else. Thankfully, that wait time with Gabe wasn't as long as others, but it was still difficult knowing at any moment, the birth parents could change their minds and decide to parent.

As hard as it is for an adoptive mom, it has to be even harder for a birth mom. I'm not a great decision-maker. I waiver back and forth. I can't imagine making the decision to choose someone else to parent my child. Trusting someone else with my baby, giving up my opportunity for any say in decisions, and still loving that baby with my entire heart would be so hard. So very hard to do.

In our state, at the time Gabe was adopted, birth parents were not allowed to sign adoption papers for 36 hours after the baby's birth. Those days were the hardest for me. Once Gabe was born and I saw him, held him, fed him... there was no turning back. I loved him. Those days were brutal. I didn't know this woman. I'd met her just briefly and I was afraid. I'd waited so long to be a mother, I just feared something would go wrong. But, it didn't. We got to that agency, signed the papers, and brought our baby home.

I know I write a lot about adoption. And, if you're a reader, thank you. I write about this obviously because it is so close to my heart - it is a part of my heart - and I share it because I want the people reading to know that there are some pure truths I know:

Adoption changed my life - I am much more aware that the tiny seed God planted in my heart when I was 17 years old was more than just a passing thought. It was a seed He watered and grew to prepare my heart to love a child as much as any mother could love one.

Adoption has made me a more sensitive human being - It's all about education. A lot of people (before adopting, myself included) have misconceptions about adoption. They ask a lot of tacky (for lack of a better word) questions. It's tough sometimes to answer those questions. We are very careful in the things that we share and we try to very gently explain the answers. Here are some examples:

Q. What's Gabe's Mom like?

A. Well, I love photography. I enjoy scrapbooking with my friends, and I enjoy Facebook, blogging, and Pinterest. I'm the mom to a five year old and I am a part time worker.

Q. So, like, why'd she do it?

A. Well, she did it because it was the best decision for her and for Gabe.

Q. He KNOWS them?

A. Yes, Gabe knows his birth family and he loves them very much. He talks about them a lot and we love having them over." (and of course the next question is, "You have them OVER? Like to your HOUSE?" Ha, that one still gets me. Hello! These people trusted US to love and take care of Gabe... What are they gonna do? Hurt him? Our thoughts? The more people he has in his life that love him, the better off this kid's gonna be.

Q. Aren't you worried they could take him back?

A. No, we're not worried. His adoption is legal. And, try spending a couple weeks in a row with a five year old boy - all day on winter break! If you're not used to it, it can be brutal! Remember the Simpsons? Can we have a pool, Dad? Can we have a pool, Dad? Can we have a pool, Dad? Can we have a pool, Dad? Can we have a pool, Dad? Can we have a pool, Dad? Ha! Sorry, I had to throw that in there.

Q. So was she like, young or something?

A. No, not really. Just not the best time to have a baby. It all worked out well.

Finally, adoption made me a mom - the perfect way God had in mind. Totally perfect. He knew the birth mom, the boy, and the adoptive mom (as well as all those other wonderful people in the picture) and He put the whole thing together. Any time I doubt my abilities or I feel insecure, I remember that we all came together as a family - and God did that. How do you doubt what you know is true?

It's not for everyone. And, it's not a "cure" for infertility. It's all part of a plan. One of the things I try to share most often is that God gives some women the ability to trust other people to raise their children... He doesn't take the love or the pain away, but He gives them the ability. Then He comes along to other women, like me, and gives them the ability to love a child as their own. A child they would have carried and delivered if they could. He gives them the ability to give unconditional love. And, in our case, He makes families out of regular old Joes whose paths may have never crossed.

Again, thank you Parenthood for portraying an adoption story. It certainly touched my heart tonight.