sharing some thoughts

I don't know if any of you watch Dr. Phil, and I don't even know what day this episode was on (I've been spending the evening catching up on DVR'd episodes after Gabe went to bed), but there was a horrific story on about a young girl who was physically and sexually abused and kept in a closet for six years of her life. Six years. The physical damage done to this child, not to mention the mental and emotional damage, took my breath away and made me sob for her. I could not look away from the television and I could not control the tears coming down my cheeks and the heaviness upon my heart.

This girl was two years old when the closet became her bedroom, lunchroom, and bathroom. She was only taken out to be tortured physically, emotionally, and sexually by her 'mother' and step'father'. This little girl's name was Lauren.

I'm blogging tonight because I don't think I'll be able to sleep. Right now, my son is curled up in our bed, sleeping peacefully. Every night, we put him to bed in his room, come downstairs to watch a little TV or surf Pinterest and it never fails... we come upstairs to go to bed and he's sound asleep right smack dab in the middle of our bed. We move him to his own room and we chuckle about how cute he was. He feels safe here. Hopefully, most children do feel safe in their home. Hopefully most children hear very often what I know my son hears every single day - "I love you".

I'm so struggling with this tonight. There are so many mothers out there - women born to be mothers. God has given them a heart to love and nurture children. He has given them a heart to want to teach their children to make the right choices and to love others and to love God. But, why this, Lord? Why? How can this be part of your master plan?

Lauren was abused so severely that she was found with lice in her hair, her digestive system was impacted with drywall, wood, and plastic from bowls because she was hungry. She was so severely sexually abused that she required major reconstructive surgery. What this child experienced - what her normal became - was so horrific, most of us couldn't even begin to imagine a nightmare like this one. The only time Lauren's tears really began to overwhelm her on the show was when she was told how her mother reacted to the things she had done to her daughter. She acted angry, not guilty. She showed mild concern for her other children, but referred to Lauren as "it". She really had no excuses or any shame.

For most of us who have grown up in a pretty 'normal' home, I think we have a hard enough time getting over our own issues that seem to tie us down. Our parents weren't and aren't perfect, and as a parent neither am I. Someday, Gabe's going to be blaming me for something I'm sure! But, at the end of the day, I always knew I was safe and I always knew my parents loved me. Always. I may have thought decisions were unfair or unreasonable - as any teenager would - but never, ever would I or will I experience what this poor child did. These people weren't parents - they were monsters. Evil, torturing monsters.

So tonight, when I see my child in bed, and while tears roll down my cheeks, I will be praying over him. I will pray that he always knows how much I love him. I will be praying a prayer of thanksgiving that God protected me and many that I love from any terrible experience like this. And, I will be praying for Lauren.

Lauren ended up being adopted by the mother who raised her until she was two years old. She was placed in an adoption situation (they didn't go into much detail... I'm assuming it was foster care until an adoption was finalized) but was returned to her birth mother through the court system. Her adoptive mother desperately tried to fight it, seeing bruises when Lauren returned from visits with her birth mother. Her birth mother won custody and after Lauren was found and treated in the hospital, she returned to live with her adoptive mother. Her real mother, the one who loved her, cared for her, and was so very proud of her was on the stage with her and beamed with pride in how far Lauren had come. It was so good to see that Lauren had a cheerleader and protector from now on.

I am sorry to share a sad story with you, but it was on my heart. It's just one of those things I'll ask the Big Guy when I get there. Why are there people who can have children, multiple children, who could do something like this when there are women out there who weep to have children, who would put themselves through so much physical and emotional pain to have children. Someday, we'll know and we'll see it all clearly. I believe that. It's just tonight, I can't fathom it all making sense.