two unrelated topics.

Recently, Greg was going through some of his tubs of memorabilia and came across his Indian in the Cupboard books from when he was a kid. Oh, how I loved The Indian in the Cupboard! It was one of my favorite books, along with Bridge to Terabithia. Our early junior high English teacher read books aloud to the classroom and these were two that she chose. I don't know if it was the way she told stories - always with excitement and creative character voices - but these books always stayed with me. And, remember books like Number the Stars? My love for reading started in junior high and I've never turned back. I also remember loving R.L. Stein, Christopher Pike, The Babysitters Club, and Sweet Valley High.

I thought Gabe might take an interest in The Indian in the Cupboard, and was I right! We started with chapter one last night and we are ready to start chapter four. He was captivated! He sat still and listened so intently, only stopping if he had something great to add to the story. "Mom, what if they put MORE guys in the cupboard? Like some more Indians, or cowboys or something?" Oh, buddy... It's gonna get more interesting! Just wait and see! He just loved it. This morning, we read chapters two and three because right when he woke up, he wanted to continue the story. I've tried really hard to do what Mrs. Borchers did and get into character voice and tell the story with great enthusiasm.

We have been reading books to Gabe since he was very young. He loves books. I hope he remembers books when there are all kinds of other distractions like video games, movies, and iPads around. I want him to get lost in books like I still do now. This morning when he came in my room to wake me up, he said, "Mom, did you know there's ANOTHER Indian in the Cupboard book too?" (Return of the Indian in the Cupboard) Yes, I did... and I am looking forward to sharing that one with him too. I'm so glad Greg or Greg's mom had saved these. I might have forgotten all about Omri and the Indian in the Cupboard.

On a totally unrelated note, I have been having reoccurring dreams that my teeth are falling out. How weird is that? I've found out that it's a very common reoccurring dream for people! In fact, a girl I know said she dreams about her teeth falling out at least once or twice a week! Crazy! I read here all about what this may mean. Me? Insecure? No way, I don't believe it! :) Yes, I'm pretty insecure. I guess it makes sense. Why these dreams are showing up now, I have no idea. What's really weird about it, is in my dream, I end up spitting my teeth out because so many of them come out at once. Then, when I wake up, I'm spitting and my pillow is wet. Gross. Thanks a lot subconscious. One time, I woke Greg up. This has to be one of the weirdest things I've ever dreamed about. I hope they stop! I'm tired of changing pillowcases. And, I'm tired of 'feeling' my teeth fall out!

February Favorites

Ok, we need a light-hearted topic! I've had a long day and I thought I'd share some fun with some February Favorites.

Toddlers and Tiaras. Have you seen this? This is what I've been watching on Netflix and it's been blowing my mind. These people are crazy... like nuts crazy. Putting babies in pageants at like 4 months old. Really? Can talent be discovered THAT early? It's one of those mind-numbing shows - you don't have to think about your crazy life or that your kiddo might have freaked out that day... No, you can just watch these kids freak out on TV in front of their Pageant Moms who have spent thousands of dollars on costumes! Yes, I watch it. Don't judge me.

Bossypants. Oh my goodness. I am serious when I say this is laugh out loud funny. She is the kind of person you want to be like or at least have a really cool friend just like her. I know this has been around for a while now, but I'm just now getting to it. And, it was worth the wait... did not disappoint at all.

Anything birch. My grandmother's favorite tree was a beautiful birch tree out at our farm. (People in my family associate special events and people with trees. When we had our family pictures taken, we all had to have one by our favorite trees). If you look at my Pinterest boards, you'll see that I'm kinda in love with anything birch. Unfortunately, I haven't bought anything yet... but I will!

My Lisa Leonard necklace. I wear this every day. I love this necklace - it goes with everything and it is special to me. If I could, I'd probably buy one of everything from her store! One of my goals is to be able to buy each of my sisters and my sisters in law one. I wish her shop would've been around when I got married because right now they have amazing wedding cake toppers! So sweet! I adore this one. Sigh.

And this! I just ordered this necklace for myself from Everyday Keepsakes, except I chose the ball chain and added a pearl charm to it. I'm looking forward to it arriving in the mail! This one wasn't as expensive as the Lisa Leonard one, so I'll probably wear this one more often and save my LL for special occasions.

Wow! This post was really fun, but it took for flippin' ever. I may have to join the bandwagon and do this every month!

Oh, and last but not least, my FAVORITE product for the month of February, Gabe's family Valentine cards! Sorry for the poor scan... I'm not sure why my scanner did that. Oh well, you get the idea, right?

PS: For some reason, Blogger is messing up my paragraph formats. Some paragraphs are coming out centered. Ugh.

Another post about Parenthood.

(source)

Any of you that follow my blog know how much I love the show Parenthood. Tonight's episode hit especially close to home. I won't provide any spoilers except to say that I know how hard it is to be an adoptive mom in waiting while you know your child is on the way. You've been matched with a birth mom, but the baby you have already started loving is growing inside someone else. Thankfully, that wait time with Gabe wasn't as long as others, but it was still difficult knowing at any moment, the birth parents could change their minds and decide to parent.

As hard as it is for an adoptive mom, it has to be even harder for a birth mom. I'm not a great decision-maker. I waiver back and forth. I can't imagine making the decision to choose someone else to parent my child. Trusting someone else with my baby, giving up my opportunity for any say in decisions, and still loving that baby with my entire heart would be so hard. So very hard to do.

In our state, at the time Gabe was adopted, birth parents were not allowed to sign adoption papers for 36 hours after the baby's birth. Those days were the hardest for me. Once Gabe was born and I saw him, held him, fed him... there was no turning back. I loved him. Those days were brutal. I didn't know this woman. I'd met her just briefly and I was afraid. I'd waited so long to be a mother, I just feared something would go wrong. But, it didn't. We got to that agency, signed the papers, and brought our baby home.

I know I write a lot about adoption. And, if you're a reader, thank you. I write about this obviously because it is so close to my heart - it is a part of my heart - and I share it because I want the people reading to know that there are some pure truths I know:

Adoption changed my life - I am much more aware that the tiny seed God planted in my heart when I was 17 years old was more than just a passing thought. It was a seed He watered and grew to prepare my heart to love a child as much as any mother could love one.

Adoption has made me a more sensitive human being - It's all about education. A lot of people (before adopting, myself included) have misconceptions about adoption. They ask a lot of tacky (for lack of a better word) questions. It's tough sometimes to answer those questions. We are very careful in the things that we share and we try to very gently explain the answers. Here are some examples:

Q. What's Gabe's Mom like?

A. Well, I love photography. I enjoy scrapbooking with my friends, and I enjoy Facebook, blogging, and Pinterest. I'm the mom to a five year old and I am a part time worker.

Q. So, like, why'd she do it?

A. Well, she did it because it was the best decision for her and for Gabe.

Q. He KNOWS them?

A. Yes, Gabe knows his birth family and he loves them very much. He talks about them a lot and we love having them over." (and of course the next question is, "You have them OVER? Like to your HOUSE?" Ha, that one still gets me. Hello! These people trusted US to love and take care of Gabe... What are they gonna do? Hurt him? Our thoughts? The more people he has in his life that love him, the better off this kid's gonna be.

Q. Aren't you worried they could take him back?

A. No, we're not worried. His adoption is legal. And, try spending a couple weeks in a row with a five year old boy - all day on winter break! If you're not used to it, it can be brutal! Remember the Simpsons? Can we have a pool, Dad? Can we have a pool, Dad? Can we have a pool, Dad? Can we have a pool, Dad? Can we have a pool, Dad? Can we have a pool, Dad? Ha! Sorry, I had to throw that in there.

Q. So was she like, young or something?

A. No, not really. Just not the best time to have a baby. It all worked out well.

Finally, adoption made me a mom - the perfect way God had in mind. Totally perfect. He knew the birth mom, the boy, and the adoptive mom (as well as all those other wonderful people in the picture) and He put the whole thing together. Any time I doubt my abilities or I feel insecure, I remember that we all came together as a family - and God did that. How do you doubt what you know is true?

It's not for everyone. And, it's not a "cure" for infertility. It's all part of a plan. One of the things I try to share most often is that God gives some women the ability to trust other people to raise their children... He doesn't take the love or the pain away, but He gives them the ability. Then He comes along to other women, like me, and gives them the ability to love a child as their own. A child they would have carried and delivered if they could. He gives them the ability to give unconditional love. And, in our case, He makes families out of regular old Joes whose paths may have never crossed.

Again, thank you Parenthood for portraying an adoption story. It certainly touched my heart tonight.

Winter School

Gabe and I had a great time today. I know I kind of complained about being a stay at home mom yesterday, but today I feel like I really made the most of it. A great friend of mine is considering homeschooling her kids and she shared a link with me that had PIRATE lessons! I've always known that I'm not going to home school. No offense to people who do, I'm just not up for it. I am organized, but I'm not very consistent. In fact, this whole chore chart/earning allowance thing has made me feel quite proud and I've only been working with him on it for like 5 days!

Since I'm still off work, I thought why not peruse the site and see if they had any more nifty lessons I could download and work on with Gabe while we're home together. And, I found some great stuff! Stuff he's interested in: farming, dinosaurs, ice cream, space, etc... The materials fall right in line with the kinds of things he's learning at preschool. Matching capital letters with small letters, following and continuing patterns, and many other 5 year old activities. There are even Bible verses that go along with the lessons (see above).



You can tell from his face here that he was really loving it. I ended up buying some other materials for $10. I'm looking at it like a winter home school... kind of like summer school! I only wish I would've thought of this kind of activity sooner. It made me so happy/proud in so many ways. I was spending time with my boy. I was finding out how very smart he is. And, I was really using the time to praise and encourage him. I wasn't constantly trying to find something for him to do and he wasn't wanting to watch TV all day. TV has become a tough battle. I try really hard to limit TV time to during breakfast (we have a small under the counter TV that folds down by his breakfast seat) and right before supper while I'm cooking. Then in the evening, we try to play or do an activity together. Although tonight, we had a movie night and watched Fred2... Oh my gammit! That kid has THE most annoying voice on the planet.

I guess I'm feeling like a better, more purposeful Mom today. I was having a hard time with that. I was always feeling like I had to get this and that done and I was always trying to find something for him to do. But, today, I felt like I did it right, ya know? I felt like I made great choices as a mom. I rarely have days where I feel confident about what I'm doing. Especially the first time around. When we have a second child, I probably won't worry as much (I hope) and remember that things work out, kids bump their heads, get rashes, and sometimes have poor appetites. All concerns most first moms worry about. Today, I felt like I did pretty good.

PS: Regarding the treasure picture above, he spelled that out with the Scrabble tiles after studying it a bit with me. We sounded it out and he got it from memory and the sounds the letters make! When we went over the Bible verse together and I tried to explain what heart treasures were, he said his heart treasures were his Mom, his Dad, his Janx, and his WHOOOOOOLE family. Then I said, "What about your Lego guys?" (just to see) and he said, "oh yeah, AND my Lego guys!

Stay at Home Mom

We have a little issue with bedtime. We put Gabe to bed in his own room, but when we come upstairs to go to bed, he seems to have found his way into our room. So, every night we move him back to his own bed. If Greg's out of town on a trip, I'll let him sleep with me since I'm a hard sleeper. I'm always afraid I won't hear him if he wakes up or something. Greg was gone the other night and I came upstairs and found him like this! I had to laugh and roll my eyes. He was lying across the entire bed.

It's been nearly 3 months that I have been a stay at home mom due to my seasonal job. I have to say, I'm getting a little stir crazy. I need to work some outside of the home, just to get out a bit - to interact with people, have a little "me" time where I'm not wondering what the heck my child is getting into! Don't get me wrong... the first 3 weeks were great. I was Super Mom... We did something new every day, creative and fun things, and we had a blast! After that first three weeks though, holy cow... creativity was hard to find. I have a kiddo that needs to be busy all the time, or he will find something to do on his own that usually involves orneriness. Example? Pumping all of our foap (foam soap) out into the sink. Or, a Cocoa Pebbles parade (parade meaning throwing things into the air like confetti)...yeah, I taught him what a parade was. Ugh.

I LOVE my son and enjoy him so much. But, lately I feel like all I've been saying is, "Gabe, why would you DO that?" Like when I caught him taking pieces of my wicker hamper apart. Or, "No, you can't chase Jinxi with a sword!" (for my sanity! Trust me - a 5 year old yelling and running with a sword and a dog continuously barking is about enough to make you lose your mind!) So, there's no preschool today and I've gotta find something for us to do.

As a way to get Gabe to start helping out with some chores, I made this chore chart. He's done really well with it! The chart is set up for a week. He gets a dime/quarter/whatever loose change we have for every chore he completes on the chart. If he doesn't complete the chore for that day, he gets a little frown face. For every frown face, a dime goes into the frown jar. And, every time he sasses his parents or misbehaves, money from the allowance jar goes into the frown jar. I had to put a dime in the frown jar yesterday because he got mad and stuck his tongue out at me. :) It was very effective though! After his allowance jar is filled with dimes, quarters, etc... he gets to take it to the bank, cash it in, and go to the store that same day. It really seems to be working well! I'm so glad. It seemed like every punishment we set up, he didn't really think was a big deal. And, see the check marks on the chart? How cute are those? Gabe likes to do them all by himself. I got the dry erase idea from Pinterest and I love it. We can use the same chart every week and just erase it clean for the next week.

sharing some thoughts

I don't know if any of you watch Dr. Phil, and I don't even know what day this episode was on (I've been spending the evening catching up on DVR'd episodes after Gabe went to bed), but there was a horrific story on about a young girl who was physically and sexually abused and kept in a closet for six years of her life. Six years. The physical damage done to this child, not to mention the mental and emotional damage, took my breath away and made me sob for her. I could not look away from the television and I could not control the tears coming down my cheeks and the heaviness upon my heart.

This girl was two years old when the closet became her bedroom, lunchroom, and bathroom. She was only taken out to be tortured physically, emotionally, and sexually by her 'mother' and step'father'. This little girl's name was Lauren.

I'm blogging tonight because I don't think I'll be able to sleep. Right now, my son is curled up in our bed, sleeping peacefully. Every night, we put him to bed in his room, come downstairs to watch a little TV or surf Pinterest and it never fails... we come upstairs to go to bed and he's sound asleep right smack dab in the middle of our bed. We move him to his own room and we chuckle about how cute he was. He feels safe here. Hopefully, most children do feel safe in their home. Hopefully most children hear very often what I know my son hears every single day - "I love you".

I'm so struggling with this tonight. There are so many mothers out there - women born to be mothers. God has given them a heart to love and nurture children. He has given them a heart to want to teach their children to make the right choices and to love others and to love God. But, why this, Lord? Why? How can this be part of your master plan?

Lauren was abused so severely that she was found with lice in her hair, her digestive system was impacted with drywall, wood, and plastic from bowls because she was hungry. She was so severely sexually abused that she required major reconstructive surgery. What this child experienced - what her normal became - was so horrific, most of us couldn't even begin to imagine a nightmare like this one. The only time Lauren's tears really began to overwhelm her on the show was when she was told how her mother reacted to the things she had done to her daughter. She acted angry, not guilty. She showed mild concern for her other children, but referred to Lauren as "it". She really had no excuses or any shame.

For most of us who have grown up in a pretty 'normal' home, I think we have a hard enough time getting over our own issues that seem to tie us down. Our parents weren't and aren't perfect, and as a parent neither am I. Someday, Gabe's going to be blaming me for something I'm sure! But, at the end of the day, I always knew I was safe and I always knew my parents loved me. Always. I may have thought decisions were unfair or unreasonable - as any teenager would - but never, ever would I or will I experience what this poor child did. These people weren't parents - they were monsters. Evil, torturing monsters.

So tonight, when I see my child in bed, and while tears roll down my cheeks, I will be praying over him. I will pray that he always knows how much I love him. I will be praying a prayer of thanksgiving that God protected me and many that I love from any terrible experience like this. And, I will be praying for Lauren.

Lauren ended up being adopted by the mother who raised her until she was two years old. She was placed in an adoption situation (they didn't go into much detail... I'm assuming it was foster care until an adoption was finalized) but was returned to her birth mother through the court system. Her adoptive mother desperately tried to fight it, seeing bruises when Lauren returned from visits with her birth mother. Her birth mother won custody and after Lauren was found and treated in the hospital, she returned to live with her adoptive mother. Her real mother, the one who loved her, cared for her, and was so very proud of her was on the stage with her and beamed with pride in how far Lauren had come. It was so good to see that Lauren had a cheerleader and protector from now on.

I am sorry to share a sad story with you, but it was on my heart. It's just one of those things I'll ask the Big Guy when I get there. Why are there people who can have children, multiple children, who could do something like this when there are women out there who weep to have children, who would put themselves through so much physical and emotional pain to have children. Someday, we'll know and we'll see it all clearly. I believe that. It's just tonight, I can't fathom it all making sense.

Kill the Deer!

We had the greatest time this last weekend. A few months ago, my brother in law, Rene asked if we wanted to join them for the annual Kill the Deer game. (Milwaukee Bucks vs. Chicago Bulls). We were supposed to go last year, had the tickets purchased and everything, but we weren't able to go. Boo..... But this year, we were totally able to go! Gabe stayed with his best friend's family overnight and did great!

Here's part of the group. I wasn't in the picture (I was taking it) and some others weren't there yet. This was a little pre-party before the game. Beer, great music, and great company. My sisters Jenny & Lindsey, along with their husbands, Rene & Matt, and some of their friends were a part of the group. So fun!

Here are my two lovely sisters! I'm so blessed to have a very close-knit family. These ladies are the best sisters a girl could ask for.

And here's me & my hubby at the game! Rene got us awesome seats too!


And, this sweet little family! Jenny, Rene, & Anna! I just noticed she is missing one of her boots! Anna is just a little delight! She runs around, squeals, laughs, and loves everyone! She makes my day when she reaches for me to hold her. I love that she remembers me even though we don't see each other often.


Yep, that's my Goddaughter! She's a delight!

After the game, we went out to some of the bars near the arena, including this amazing country bar with a mechanical bull. There are no pictures post game - I didn't feel comfortable with taking my camera out! I did not ride the mechanical bull, but there was one person in our group who did... I will not mention any names... :) The bars were really packed, but we had a blast. After that, we headed to a casino to lose some money. Also, a lot of fun. When we got back to the hotel, we were hungry, but it was near impossible to find something to eat. So, while we waited in our hotel lobby, Greg took a cab and brought back 2 sacks full of McDonalds. We discovered that we are getting a little old, but after a couple beers, you start to feel quite young again! We got to bed around 4:00 am - not used to that at all - and got up around 8:30 to make the trek home.

As an update to the diet, I've been trying. Honestly, it's been extremely, extremely hard. I've not been following strictly, but I'm trying. It's so hard to completely change your way of life. I could make a thousand excuses. I would just ask that if you are a prayer, please keep me in your prayers.