where have I been?

Life has been busy and my second job hasn't even started back up yet. I swear by the time Gabe goes to bed at night, I'm wiped. All I want to do is catch up on my 'programs' and play a little Words with Friends. Wiped.



Tonight we had an awesome dinner. Chipotle-esque carnita soft tacos, complete with the cilantro lime rice. It was fantastic! Greg loved them too.



Another wonderful thing that has been taking up my time has been The Hunger Games. Fantastic books. Fantastic. The first book was addicting... I couldn't stop reading it. The second book was good, and the third book started out slow but got very interesting about halfway through. Now that the series is over, I'm feeling a little bit lost. If you haven't read them, do it!!



Ahhh, yes, and this. (He's not pouting, I just made him bend his head down to show off his new 'do'). Gabe decided that he was going to become a hairstylist, I guess. I actually didn't freak out about this... I laughed. I had to hold the laughter back while I was in front of him. Obviously, we had to have a talk about the dangers of scissors and how you can only use them with an adult. But, inside I was just cracking up.

I started a new job a couple of weeks ago. I'm doing some internet-based plat mapping/proofing for an insurance agency in a nearby town. I really like it. I can't believe how much my work for my other job (with a farm chemical application business) helped to prepare me for this job. Both jobs really kind of fell into place... Scheduling and everything. Basically, I'll be working 40 hours a week during the chemical applicator's busy season (April through June/July and Oct & Nov) and the rest of the time, I'll be working fewer hours... depending on the insurance agency's needs. So, for a few months of the year, I'll be pretty busy.

I have to be honest... I don't know how working moms work 40+ hours a week. How they get all the laundry, dishes, dusting, vacuuming, etc... done? Then, add on the guilt. I always feel guilty, even when I'm working part time that I don't get Gabe to the park often enough, or he isn't outside much of the time. How does it happen??? When do these moms get their other work done? I mean, if they spend most of their day outside with their kids, how do they clean, do laundry, and put a hot meal on the table at the end of the day? I need to somehow find a balance.

It's reallllly easy to slip into the Mom Insecurity Zone. Do any of you fall into that? If so, how do you cope with it? Thankfully, my husband plays a lot with Gabe outside while I'm trying to get dinner ready. While I'm full time, there are gonna be a lot of crockpot meals. I guess I just gotta do the best that I can, and try not to feel guilty that I'm not doing enough.

I recently went to a mom's seminar in which they discussed 'true guilt' vs. 'false guilt'. True guilt is when you've done something to violate God's law or man's law - something you can repent for and try to mend either with God or man. False guilt is just the opposite. It's stuff you worry about that hasn't happened, or you haven't offended, and isn't supported by either of those requirements. I've been trying to let a lot of the false guilt go. I know I'm loving my child, working hard for my family, and honoring my husband. I'm doing my best to be a good friend, a good daughter, and a good sibling. Sure, I make mistakes every day and I do pray about those things. I ask God for help in being a good mother. I guess that is all I can do.

So, if you're a mom with false guilt, let it go. If you have true guilt, do what you can do (what God has asked us to do) to mend it. And, holy cow... it's tough for all of us, so let's be real! (Nothing irks me more than the moms with the perfect life, perfect balance, perfect kids.) C'mon, one of her kids had to have clogged her toilet with a decorative ball at least once, right? Not that it's happened to me... (Ok, so it happened at my parent's house, but it was still my kid).