Kinda fired up.

Ok, so I had this entire post written about why I haven't been blogging (it has been intentional) and how I'm t-o'd at the photog world right now and I deleted it all. I figured the first post in a long time shouldn't be about how I'm fired up.

To sum it up, it just seems like there's a lot of negativity out there for beginner photographers. I get so frustrated by it. I was really new once. I still consider inexperienced compared to many, but now, I consider myself more than "just a mom with a cute kid and a fancy camera" (as was said about me once). Seriously. The hurtfulness! Why?

My point of tonight's blog is this... If you are new at something, do everything you can to flourish it. Enjoy it. Do not be discouraged by others. If you have an eye for it and creative ideas, you can learn the technical part. And, remember that beauty is in the eye of the camera-holder... your pictures are beautiful because YOU took them and you captured a moment that was meaningful to you. Who cares if they're grainy or they have a little blur, if you see beauty there, there's something special there.

Granted, you're probably not going to be pulling in the dough with grainy, blurry pictures. But, that doesn't mean that you aren't an artist, finding something special and beautiful that needs to be seen and shared. So, keep on clicking!! Some of the most-commented pictures I've seen on Flickr aren't really taken of anything spectacular... they are from ordinary, day to day scenes, seen in a new, special way. And, a lot of them are grainy or blurry. Go figure...

A Sweet Partnership.

My Mara Bracelet - In Remembrance of Kary

I've mentioned the organization Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep (NILMDTS) before... It's such a wonderful gift to families who have lost a baby. As a photographer and a mother, I am so honored to be a part of it. The families I have met have all touched me so deeply and have all made an impact on my life.

One of my friends from high school lost a sweet little girl named, Mara. After Mara passed away, we got in touch again. We talked about Mara, our other children, and our lives and how they have changed since losing a child. Her mission is to make these beautiful bracelets for other people who have lost children. They are such a nice remembrance gift. She and I were talking one day and I told her I'd be glad to photograph the bracelets so she could share them with others. Something very special came from that...

A renewed friendship, and the gift she has given of making bracelets for all the NILMDTS families I work with. This weekend alone, I was contacted about two sessions. When I get a phone call from the hospital, the rest of my world stops and I am focused on getting there. I pack my bag, print off a consent form, grab my brochure and camera, and I go.

It is a comfort to me to know that I can send a small token of love to the mothers of these children when I send a Mara bracelet. I know it is made with love, and I know Mara is thought of each time a bracelet is made and sent out with the cd of images.

It's amazing what can form from loss. God can use it. He does use it - every time. We live in a fallen, sad world, where loss is allowed to happen. The miracle in loss is that God uses it to change us. We will never be the same after our world comes crashing down. I never thought I'd be in this place... I never thought this is something I could do. But, with experiences like those I've had, with friends who give, I have been changed and blessed. Thank you baby T, baby E, baby A, baby J, baby K, and of course, Kary & Mara. Your lives will always be a gift to those who love you.

Picture Organization

I finally got a project done tonight that I've been wanting to do for some time. I went through all of my thousands of pictures and organized them into a system that I think will work for me. My main objective was to organize them not by date, but by category. I am terrible with dates. So, categories (seniors, families, newborns, etc...) work much better for me. Within those categories, I have subfolders by session. It's been a marathon, but thankfully it only took me one evening! I've made it through this tedious task by watching old episodes of Dexter. Creepy show, but entertaining in only a way a Showtime series can be!

While sorting pictures, I came across this oldie, but goodie, of me and my Momma. I love this picture. You can see the love between us. I've been very blessed to have such a wonderful Mom. She truly did everything she could do to raise a good family. She put her own desires aside so many times, just so we could have better. I love my Mom... Thank you, Momma, for teaching me so much about being a parent, for being real with me, for loving me always, and for listening when I really need to just talk. I know I can be myself and you won't judge me. Thank you.

Slowing down... for a minute.

Alright, alright... My blog's not broken. My husband always says, "I think there's something wrong with your blog..." Life has been crazy. My house is a mess, I have folders of pictures waiting to be edited and digitally scrapped, I don't get much time with my son, and I have about 8 thousand craft projects I want to do. Besides that, there are dishes in the sink, my bathroom desperately needs cleaned, and we need new sheets on the beds.

Life, please slow down a bit!

Since I last blogged, our family has grown by 2 feet...


Little Douglas Gregory was born April 30, at 6:40 pm. He weighed 7 lbs, 14 oz, and was 20 inches long. He is about the sweetest thing ever made! My brother and his wife, Sonya are excellent parents and love their little Dougie so much, as do we!

I've been taking a lot of pictures. This one of Dougie was a big accomplishment for me! He's such a sweet little guy! I have really enjoyed taking his newborn pictures. Newborn sessions are a favorite for me.

I've also been taking some pictures of this sweet boy. My Gabers is growing up so fast. I can't believe he's 4 years old. His behavior has greatly improved as far as the tantrums go. We've found that a quarter reward system seems to work really well. At the beginning of each week, he starts out with $5.00 in quarters. When he misbehaves, quarter(s) are taken away. When he behaves really well, or does something really great, he's rewarded with quarters. It seems to be working out really well.

I've also been taking pictures of other people's kids! This cutie pie would not leave his tongue in his mouth throughout the entire session! It was hilarious!

Oh life, you're moving so fast! Slow down just a bit so I can catch up!

NILMDTS

In the past year, I've been on three Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep sessions. It has been a life-changing experience for me. Each session has been very different and each session has been very emotional. I wanted to blog today to raise awareness for this amazing organization. Being a part of it has changed my life in so many ways.

Each time I have gotten a call, the pit in my stomach drops and my palms get sweaty and cold. I start shaking a bit, due to nerves - being nervous about what I'm going to see, what I'm going to hear, and what I'm going to say and do. I pray for my skills and abilities to shine. I pray that I know how to react when I need to. I pray that I remain professional. And I pray for the families. I pray that above all else, that God would hold all of them throughout this time.

I was fortunate enough to go up to the Chicago area for some training on March 6th with Julie Williams. She is on the board for NILMDTS and provides training sessions for photographers. I learned so much from this training and was able to network with some other photographers. Then, Tuesday March 8th, I got a call to go do a session. I was so thankful to have been a part of the training. It helped me get through that particularly tough session.

It's been an honor to be a part of Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep. It's taught me so much about myself, my loss, and how to help others through their loss. It's shown me how to be quietly compassionate... a touch on the shoulder, a whisper to a baby, gentle posing, quietly stepping out of the room, getting water, a soft smile, a small fist wrapped around a pinky... I am honored that parents have had us there in their darkest of moments, those moments of the birth of their child and possibly the passing. The moments when they say goodbye. What an honor that they are trusting you with such precious moments.

This isn't something I "enjoy" doing. I don't look forward to these sessions. I dread them because I know the amount of pain behind them. However, I am totally honored, humbled, and amazed at this organization. I feel like this is something I need to do. I have sobbed and poured my heart out to God for these families (the car ride home is silent except for crying and prayers) and the hug waiting at home for me has become my rock.

I want to encourage anyone out there, photographer, parents, grandparents, etc... when you think about tithing, volunteering, etc... think about this organization. Think about how these parents never want to forget that beautiful child brought into their lives if only for a short time. Thank you, NILMDTS for being such a gift to these families, and to me. I am truly changed.

nearing the end

I've found a couple of things that have really been helping with Gabe's temper tantrum issues. And, they've REALLY been helping. It's amazing how much easier it is to deal with a tantrum when I look at my own behavior during one. I realized I needed to change some things. Rather than getting visibly frustrated, I've really learned to keep my cool and not worry about correcting him in front of others. I've let him calmly and firmly know what is not appropriate. If he continues the behavior, it's out of sight for Gabe. He either needs to go to his room, or be removed from the activity and we'll go into another room and wait for him to calm down. Since I've blogged (granted I was gone over night Saturday) he's done so much better! And, we had an absolutely great day today at the park.

March 30th will be my last day at work. I'm sad to be leaving something I know, but I'm looking forward to what God has in store for me. I am feeling pretty aimless. I have no idea of what I want to be when I grow up! I am still looking for a part time job... hopefully something great will come along!

so, I've had a bad day.

Bad week is more like it. (just be prepared... Debbie Downer's guest blogging today! HA!)

Today, I picked up Gabe from preschool and found out from his teacher that he had some problems in class. He didn't want to get in line at the end of class and he made some faces behind her back when she was trying to correct the situation.

I was really embarassed. One of my friends told me once not to let my child's behavior define whether or not I'm a good parent. But, I feel like it totally does! I mean, obviously, your kids learn that behavior somewhere. I know I don't make faces at Greg, (and hopefully he doesn't make faces at me!) but he's picked it up somewhere. And, we've all thought in our head at one point or another, "Look at that kid... why aren't his parents doing a better job of disciplining him?" Or, "Look at that! My daughter would never do THAT!"

We've been dealing with some really awful tantrums here lately too. Like really awful. Screaming, kicking, hitting, throwing things, etc... I have been dreading blogging about it, because I've been afraid it'll make me look like a bad mom. We love our son so very much. We really are pretty consistent with discipline. He knows if he starts a tantrum, he has to go up to his room and can't come down until he can talk nicely to us. While he's up there, he may throw things (we can hear toys being thrown). Then, he calls downstairs and tells us he's ready to come down. We tell him he cannot come down until he picks up the things he was throwing. So far, that's been working pretty well. The tantrums are pretty short-lived (5-7 minutes, enough time for him to cool down). Then, he comes downstairs and every thing is fine again.

I'd like to get to the point where there are no tantrums at all. Because that first couple of minutes is pretty brutal. It's so hard to keep your patience because you just want to get frustrated and yell back. I finally decided to just blog about this for a couple of reasons... I want other moms to know that if their kids are doing the same things, they are not alone! I feel pretty alone sometimes going through this. Also, it's just really been an issue and I was hoping some of the moms out there that read my blog might have a little advice.

I'm feeling pretty vulnerable about putting this out there. But, I know it and you know it, there's no such thing as a perfect mom! We've all got things we could/should be doing better. And, this is my first go at this... I don't know what's normal and what's not. Any comments/suggestions would be much appreciated! Or, if you want to share your stories too, other moms might benefit from knowing they aren't alone.