Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas to all of you! This year has been a wonderful one for me and my family. I know it's technically Christmas Eve, but I don't plan on being on the computer on Christmas day! We're heading to my inlaws for Christmas Eve where we will enjoy fondue. This year, there will be chocolate fondue!! On Christmas day, we'll head up to my parents to hang out in the afternoon and then have dinner with some extended family that evening.

It bears repeating that this has been a wonderful year. I am a very happy mom and wife... especially lately. I have just really felt content and happiness in my relationship with my spouse and my child. I learned so much this year about how to be a better wife and mom. God has blessed me so much with a wonderful family - a loving husband and an amazing son. Gabe has been so lovey lately and an absolute delight.

I started a great job this year and I work with/for wonderful people. Greg also began a new job and has made me very proud. I think of where I was last year at this time... A time of uncertainty. I didn't know what my career would be. Now, I'm enjoying seasonal work, getting a job where I am able to spend more time with my boy and I can take pride in taking care of our home.

God has taught me so much this year. I am so thankful for His gifts to me. My husband, my child, my job, my amazing friends, and my salvation. The gifts under the tree are certainly nice to give and to recieve. But the real gift, wrapped in swaddling clothes, lying in a manger was given to us all those years ago. A gift. In the form of a baby, grown in the womb of a virgin, we were given the ultimate gift of salvation. If you haven't opened it yet, it's there waiting for you...

I wish you all the peace, joy, and happiness this season brings. May God bless you!!

baking day

Last Sunday, Grandma Herrman hosted the annual baking day. She has a huge kitchen table covered with tons of cookies she baked. We had a great day. Everyone makes it up there and she and PawPaw invite my parents too. It's a great day for Gabe to spend with both sets of grandparents.

The table was literally covered with sugary goodness. And, we got to take a big ol' tub of stuff home with us.

I always make sure to try and get a picture of the cousins too... they're all growing up so fast.

Christmas Fellowship

This is one of my favorite ornaments from my mother in law. I'm not sure where she got it, but I love it.

We are hosting a dinner tonight for our former Bible study group. I'm really excited that we'll all be sharing some fellowship time, especially around Christmas. It's such a wonderful time of year. I love it! It's been a long time since we all got together for a meal and just caught up with each other.

We have had so many wonderful times with this group. We learned a lot from each other. I know for myself, I learned a lot about parenting my child. Some of the members who had children older than my son were such a help in giving advice. Others who have children the same age have been great for comparing stories and situations, as well as giving advice.

Our group just kind of stopped meeting... People lives/schedules changed, more children were added to our families, and life just kind of took over. We've recently started going back to a church we'd left and I'm really hoping to get involved in another study after the first of the year. I love meeting with other people who are thirsty for learning more about Christ. I love the debates and talking through things. I love reading scripture and praying together.

I'm very thankful for the seasons I was able to share with these people.

Getting some air

We decided this year would be a great one to get Gabe involved in a winter sport. We are so happy he'll be having some exercise practicing. We bought him a smaller basketball like the one in the picture so he and his Dad can practice in the garage. I better practice my dribbling too... it's been a few years since I played at my Dad's garage. Dad used to own a mechanic's garage in the town I was raised. He put a basketball hoop up in the back part and with the large concrete floors, we had a lot of room to practice. We played 'horse' and 'pig'. It was so much fun!

Gabe did great at practice. They did warm ups, laps around half of the gym, and took turns dribbling up to shoot. The coach was great with them! Gabe really loved it.

Before practice, Greg asked Gabe if he had any questions about basketball... His only question was, "what if I have to fart?" Oh geez...

Then, after practice we asked him if he liked it and if he had any other questions. His response was... "Yeah, why didn't MY coach wear a black and white striped shirt?" We'd better explain the difference between referees and coaches! How innocent and sweet!!



And, here he is, getting some air. I know the quality of this picture sucks, but I'm still learning with action shots. And, it was in a gym... no fun to photograph! But, look at his air and his little tongue sticking out. How cute is he?? A little Jordan.

I hope you are all getting ready for Christmas despite this crazy weather! Holy cow. It totally doesn't feel like there are only 11 days until Christmas! It's hard to get in the magical mood when there's no snow on the ground.

Pinterest

I've been using Pinterest for quite a while now. I absolutely love it! I have tried many recipes like beef stroganoff, philly cheese steak sloppy joes, & lemon blueberry cupcakes. We have also tried these things: owl handprint painting, an awesome way to keep cards and momentos, and these for Easter. These are some of the ideas/recipes that we enjoyed.

There were some misses too... like 7up biscuits. Not so great. But, they were super easy and we didn't spend much on the ingredients.

I also love all of the photography ideas on Pinterest. Speaking of, the photo above of my Gabers was totally inspired by this. I know its not quite the same, but having a four year old posed like this would be really weird! I am so pleased with how the pictures turned out... Here are a couple more. And, if you are friends with me on Facebook, sorry, you're seeing them again. :)



Thank you Pinterest...

thank you, parenthood.

If you follow me on Facebook, you'll know that I'm a huge fan of the show Parenthood. And, lately, I have been very happy with their choice to cover the topic of adoption. Adoption will obviously always be a very close subject to my heart. When chosen as a topic on a series on TV, I am always a little bit skeptical that the show will be able to pull it off. I am always expecting to be disappointed with a dumb, cheesy line or an uneducated portrayal of a birth mom or an adoptive mom.

Parenthood, however, has been doing an excellent job portraying the life of an adoptive mom, or at least an adoptive mom like me. I can see myself as Julia, wanting a child - wanting to add to her family. I could see myself when she found out about being infertile. (that episode was a real waterworks one for me... it about killed me!) I can also see her approaching her husband, telling him of this crazy idea, and then watching him fall in love with the idea as much as she has.

It showed Julia and her husband, Joel as they spoke with her parents about the idea. Her parents worried, brought up valid concerns like money and personal space.

I have just been so pleased with how they have presented this show to the viewers. The situation wasn't hokey and melodramatic... Julia wasn't a crazy, infertile lady who would pay thousands of dollars (even though she could afford it and had the opportunity to) to have a child... as much as she so badly wanted to have this baby in her family.

I hope they go all the way with it and show us viewers an open adoption. You really don't see it much on TV... It's not the popular choice out there. But, people need to be educated! It can be such an amazing gift! I am so unbelievably blessed to know members of Gabe's birth family. And, most importantly, so is he! I do not doubt for a moment that when God placed that boy in my arms, he had the entire plot laid out. I do not doubt that he brought all of us together to love this one very special child. Don't get me wrong, those first few visits were scary. I remember thinking they would've regretted choosing us. There are still times I joke about that with them. But I can honestly say, it has all worked out so well. I asked God to fulfill my hearts desire, and He did - bigger and better than I ever could have imagined.

So, thank you, Parenthood! Thank you for making others aware of adoption and what a gift it can be. Thank you for showing us a strong woman who desperately wants a child but remains wise to keep her family safe. Thank you for showing a birth mother who truly wants better for her child and is having trouble with that decision. This program has shown that it has not been easy for her. That is one of the biggest misconceptions... that these birth moms are just able to disregard their children. Not true. I have met many birth moms, watched many interviews, and read books regarding birth families... Their children are on their mind every day. THEY are taking the risk, placing their child's life in another woman's arms. WE didn't take the risk when we chose open adoption... She did. She trusted me with her son. And, I think about that all the time.

Parenthood is an awesome show - it's on Tuesday nights at 9:00 CST. Check it out!

In other news, I am watching my first episode of How I Met Your Mother... Starting at Season 1, Episode 1. And, I am hooked. I love you NPH! Oh, and Jason Segel? Probably one of my biggest crushes!

his toy story...

"Mom, Mom, don't put these away... I'm going to play with these guys tomorrow." Ok, buddy....



Tonight we cleaned/sorted Gabe's playroom. Usually after a few days it gets really messy and my OCD takes over and I have to sort everything into its correct place. I always open up the 'Lego guy' drawer and think I'm going to sort it out and put the guys together correctly but I never do. 1. It would take FAR too long... this kid has so many Lego guys. and 2. I would never find pieces like these! Above, meet Robin the Shark, Woody the Sumo Wrestler, Jesse the Little Person, and the Construction/Robot who looks like he should be doing the YMCA. Gabe was in the basement playing dodgeball with Greg while I stayed up here to sort and I just couldn't contain my laughter! This kid! Seriously!


We've been to the Lego store twice. The first time we went, Gabe was really into Toy Story. I asked him to help me pick out a keychain for me... he picked Jesse because she was a girl like me. This year, I went to the Lego store with some friends and I had to pick up the pirate guy from Pirates of the Carribean. Gabe LOVES pirates right now (and might be getting a few for Christmas). I love the idea of carrying little reminders of my Gabers with me while I'm doing the normal day to day activities. I can just glance down at my keys and instantly smile thinking of the little guy who cracks me up on a daily basis.

Can you imagine if Gabe's toys came to life at night? Poor Woody... A sumo wrestler? And Jesse, having to adjust to life as a little person? Gabe is really loving pretend play right now. I'm sure his toys are enjoying it too. So many of them have become "best friends" and have "broken up" as well as smashed into their friends' houses. In Gabe's toy story, pirate guys and Lego men live together in harmony. Mean sharks attack the ships and take half the men down. And, guys forgive each other (I've heard him say from one guy to another - "It's ok, I forgive you. You're my best friend again".)

I've heard you can tell a lot from your child's pretend play... how they are disciplined, how they interact with other kids, etc... And, it's really good for their development. Hearing Gabe's pretend play brings so much delight to me. I love it.

Thanksgiving

Since we got married, I have been collecting Pfaltzgraff's Winterberry dishes. I love them. I never get to use them though, we don't really host Christmas meals. I hope to change that though. I'd like to have a friend dinner party some night here soon... We'll see how work scheduling and holiday planning goes. Anyway, this year I decided to go ahead and have the house decorated for Christmas for our Thanksgiving dinner. It turned out pretty nice.



My sister in law, brother in law, and nieces Katie & Julia brought their brand new beautiful, snuggly puppies to Thanksgiving. They are the sweetest things!! They didn't make a peep all day and spent most of their time being held by all of us, or cuddling next to each other in their little puppy playpen. They were just delightful. Jay and Missy asked if I'd take some pictures of "their girls... all of them!" and I was so happy to! Here is my favorite:



Aren't they lovely? I am so proud of these two sweet girls. I babysat Katie (L) a lot when she was little. I was in college and Greg would come over and we'd play "house". It was so fun. It's so hard to believe she will be 15 on January 24th... also the night of mine and Greg's first date. *yeah, he got a little in trouble for "working" ehem (going out with me) during a snowstorm when Katie was born* Oops... But, here we are 15 years later. Julia is such a sweet girl too. She gave Gabe a run for his money on wrestling moves on Thanksgiving. She is so very smart (both girls are). Julia is delightfully ornery, sweet, and all around fun to be with.

These girls are my 'first nieces'. I love them very much... and now I have new puppies to love on too!

Advent

I work with this woman who taught Sunday school for kids Gabe's age in the past. So, I thought I'd see if she had any neat ideas for Advent for Gabe. He is having such a hard time waiting for Christmas. His Daddy and I are so looking forward to enjoying Christmas with him.

Deanna (my co-worker) gave us this excellent idea... Make a paper chain for however many days are left until Christmas. Then, each night before bed Gabe gets to take one chain off the tree after we read this:

"Each evening after your prayers are said,

take off one ring. And hop in bed!

When only the candle is left to shine,

then you will know it's Christmas time!"

We gave Gabe a little battery-operated candle that he gets to have on in his room Christmas night. I hung the garland on the tree just so it'd be an easy place for all of us to remember to do it each night... not that Gabe will let us forget! I need to figure out a way to incorporate the real meaning of Christmas into it too... Maybe the candle is for Jesus' birthday.

Isn't this one of THE cutest almost - five year old's you've ever seen? Love him.

Homemade Chutney

Ok, I'm a little proud of myself on this one... I made my own chutney for Thanksgiving! Actually, the recipe was really easy! I'm hosting Thanksgiving this year and since I'll be working up until the day of, I thought I'd get this done, freeze it, and then thaw it the day before. Once less thing I have to worry about making the day of the meal. Defrost and warm in the microwave and we'll be good to go. The recipe even says its ok to freeze.

The aroma in my house was awesome! And, it tasted fantastic. I will definitely be making this every year I host. When I tried it, I could definitely imagine it with the turkey!

Today, we also picked up our organic turkey from the locker. Gabe has decided that he will affectionately call him "Nick". I also got the menu planned, as well as the dreaded trip to Walmart. I love cooking for Thanksgiving, but honestly this year I'm a little worried about pulling it off. Thankfully, our family will be here and none of them are picky or particular. They are all so laid back. They'll all grab an apron and help me through it!

I'm really thankful that my family and Greg's family can share Thanksgiving together. Not all families can do that. It sure makes our holidays so much easier and so special.

This time last year...

I found out that my job of 7 1/2 years would be ending due to my inability to go full time. I can't believe it's been a year since then... It seems like that happened so long ago. When that place comes to mind, I realize that I haven't let go of a lot of anger that I'm holding onto, so thankfully, I don't think about it that much.

I can't believe my life now! I am a "farmer" - I always like to tell my friend Grant this, to which he very calmly and sternly says, "You're not a farmer." As in, no more discussion on the matter. No, I'm not a farmer, but my life has certainly begun to revolve around farming. I am loving it. I love talking to the farmers when they come in, I really like the people I work with, and the organization is great. I really love seeing the setting of our community in a totally different light. I appreciate so much more how smart the farmers are, how each and every one have their own way of doing things, and how the community works together. I like how the job is part time full time, meaning I have a lot of work at one time, and then I have breaks of time where I can just be with my family.

Being involved in the community has become my favorite part of the job. I like knowing the farmers by name, stopping in at the bank or post office, and seeing a lot of people every day. I am committed to giving 110% to help these guys succeed. Learning a new job has also come with some difficulty for sure. I grew up on a farm and my dad was a farmer, but he didn't really ever talk much about his business. I think maybe he thought I wasn't interested. So, I have definitely had a lot to learn. Some days, I feel completely useless! But, other days things just seem to flow nicely.

Leaving Kahuna was a huge change for me... One I was really afraid of. However, I can look back and say I am grateful for everything I learned there and I am very thankful for where I am now. I hope to be doing this for a long time. I'm a farmer! :)

Off work & working

Today, I'm off work due to the rain we got this weekend. So, I thought it'd be a great day for me and Gabe to work on Christmas decorations. I know, I know, it's a little early. However, we're hosting Thanksgiving this year and I thought it'd be really nice to have the house all festive and bright. I love Christmas. I love how cozy my traditional-style house feels. I love the twinkling lights and I love the colors of red and green, silver and gold. I realize people like me get a lot of eye rolls, but it's a wonderful season and I want to enjoy it as long as I can!

Gabe and I have stayed in our jam-jams today and I have worked on dusting, moving furniture, and laundry so I can hopefully have the house nice and neat when Greg gets home. I love days off in the middle of working full time because you really appreciate all those hours during the day and really make the most of them! I feel like I'm jamming as much as possible into one day today.

Gabe really loved decorating his tree too. He did a great job! Love the pj's on the kiddo by the way... He looks so cute in his new Old Navy jam jams.

I just got these trees when I went shopping with my friends. I love them! Home Goods is an awesome store! I wish we had one closer to us.

These little cardinals have become one of my favorite Christmas decorations. I got them last year on clearance at Hobby Lobby after Christmas. The silver containers in the center were given to me by my brother.

I'm really sad this year because I can't put up my Christmas village. I have a beautiful Dept 56 village and we just don't have any large, flat space to put it up. It's probably a good year to skip it any way. I have a small Halloween/Fall village of just 3 houses that I put on a table in the hall. Gabe thinks its for his guys to play and hide in. I got that set several years ago at Kmart on clearance. I'm glad I tested that out with him this year instead of putting up my expensive village. I can just see Batman running through the snowy streets and it makes me cringe just thinking about it! Between now and next year, Greg and I are going to have to come up with some way to display it. I definitely don't want it just stored in my Christmas closet.

I definitely do not ignore Thanksgiving. I love Thanksgiving. So, here are a few things I am thankful for this holiday season:

1. My family - I am blessed beyond measure with a wonderful husband and son, an amazing extended family, and probably the best in laws a girl could ask for.


2. My friends - I truly love my friends. I feel like the luckiest in the friendship department. What a treasure to be able to completely be yourself without fear of rejection or judgement.


3. My home - the safety and comfort of a warm house, good food, and people to share it with.


4. My work - it's been a good harvest and a beautiful fall.


5. My salvation - Most importantly, I have been saved from my sin. I'm so thankful for the birth of a Savior, born in a manger.

Happy Thanksgiving and holiday season to you and yours!

hi

Yep, I'm back. I knew I'd probably do it. I'd probably return to blogging. Not that I have anything too interesting to say, but I've just really found that I miss it. I miss sharing my thoughts and having a little outlet. I miss talking to my peoples on the internet too!

If you know me in 'real life' you probably know that I have a terrible time making up my mind. I just ordered our Christmas cards tonight and it took me for freaking ever. I usually design my own, but this year I wanted to go with Tiny Prints. Their cards are amazingly gorgeous and they freakin' know it too. But, they are having a sale until tomorrow, so luckily, I was able to get my cards for 20% off. I still spent more than I wanted to, but spent about what I normally do every year. This year though, I'm cutting my card list down a bit. I'm tired of spending a bunch on cards and postage and decided to weed it down. And, I'm going to hand deliver a bunch of them as well. I'd really like to bake more this year, and may be able to with working a seasonal job, so cookies and cards will be nice! Gabe loves helping me bake, so this will be a great activity for us.

If you know me in 'real life' you probably don't know that I am in love with anything Pennsylvania Dutch. I know. Weird. Here's an example:

It started with a trivet that was given to me that originally belonged to my Grandma Smith. I've always loved it and have admired the vintage style. More recently though, I've been really browsing the web looking at other P.D. art and I'm falling for it! I think I should have been born in a totally different decade. Seriously.

Speaking of favorites, I had the opportunity to go to this little store called Anthropologie this weekend. Sigh... I could've spent our savings in that place. I really could decorate my entire home with products from there. But, to save my marriage, I walked away with these lovely measuring cups.
Man. I really sound materialistic in this post, don't I? Well, I'm not really. I like to buy pretty, special things every now and again. It's not often that I get to go to a giant mall, find a new store and spend nearly $30 on a set of measuring cups. Gulp. And, it's not often that I can shop in a store without hearing "MOM! I want to go look at toys!!!" It was so nice to just leisurely walk around and not worry about time. I could shop all day just because of the time it takes me to decide.

I learned this from a friend that recently purged many of her possessions and moved into a smaller home to do some mission work. Only buy new items that you think you will love in a year. I have really tried to apply this rule to all my purchases... It certainly helped me when I was at the giant mall this past weekend.

Thanks for welcoming me back, blogging friends! I've missed you!

So Long, Farewell....

Ok, so I probably should've done this a long time ago... I am going to stop blogging. Oh, wait, I did do that a long time ago! (Not intentionally, but it happens...) I'm going to say 'goodbye' to this site. I'm kinda tired of it. I've had my fun, and well, I have a lot more to keep up on! I'm going to try out Blurb and make my blog into a book to keep. Hopefully my old blog is still up and I can get that one printed too.

Thank you to all who have checked this thing every once in a while for updates... I'm so thankful for your comments and the time you took to read it. If you have Facebook, catch me on there... I'd love to get to still chat with you!

Much Love,
Gabe's Mom, Greg's Wife, and Wish I Might.

Kinda fired up.

Ok, so I had this entire post written about why I haven't been blogging (it has been intentional) and how I'm t-o'd at the photog world right now and I deleted it all. I figured the first post in a long time shouldn't be about how I'm fired up.

To sum it up, it just seems like there's a lot of negativity out there for beginner photographers. I get so frustrated by it. I was really new once. I still consider inexperienced compared to many, but now, I consider myself more than "just a mom with a cute kid and a fancy camera" (as was said about me once). Seriously. The hurtfulness! Why?

My point of tonight's blog is this... If you are new at something, do everything you can to flourish it. Enjoy it. Do not be discouraged by others. If you have an eye for it and creative ideas, you can learn the technical part. And, remember that beauty is in the eye of the camera-holder... your pictures are beautiful because YOU took them and you captured a moment that was meaningful to you. Who cares if they're grainy or they have a little blur, if you see beauty there, there's something special there.

Granted, you're probably not going to be pulling in the dough with grainy, blurry pictures. But, that doesn't mean that you aren't an artist, finding something special and beautiful that needs to be seen and shared. So, keep on clicking!! Some of the most-commented pictures I've seen on Flickr aren't really taken of anything spectacular... they are from ordinary, day to day scenes, seen in a new, special way. And, a lot of them are grainy or blurry. Go figure...

A Sweet Partnership.

My Mara Bracelet - In Remembrance of Kary

I've mentioned the organization Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep (NILMDTS) before... It's such a wonderful gift to families who have lost a baby. As a photographer and a mother, I am so honored to be a part of it. The families I have met have all touched me so deeply and have all made an impact on my life.

One of my friends from high school lost a sweet little girl named, Mara. After Mara passed away, we got in touch again. We talked about Mara, our other children, and our lives and how they have changed since losing a child. Her mission is to make these beautiful bracelets for other people who have lost children. They are such a nice remembrance gift. She and I were talking one day and I told her I'd be glad to photograph the bracelets so she could share them with others. Something very special came from that...

A renewed friendship, and the gift she has given of making bracelets for all the NILMDTS families I work with. This weekend alone, I was contacted about two sessions. When I get a phone call from the hospital, the rest of my world stops and I am focused on getting there. I pack my bag, print off a consent form, grab my brochure and camera, and I go.

It is a comfort to me to know that I can send a small token of love to the mothers of these children when I send a Mara bracelet. I know it is made with love, and I know Mara is thought of each time a bracelet is made and sent out with the cd of images.

It's amazing what can form from loss. God can use it. He does use it - every time. We live in a fallen, sad world, where loss is allowed to happen. The miracle in loss is that God uses it to change us. We will never be the same after our world comes crashing down. I never thought I'd be in this place... I never thought this is something I could do. But, with experiences like those I've had, with friends who give, I have been changed and blessed. Thank you baby T, baby E, baby A, baby J, baby K, and of course, Kary & Mara. Your lives will always be a gift to those who love you.

Picture Organization

I finally got a project done tonight that I've been wanting to do for some time. I went through all of my thousands of pictures and organized them into a system that I think will work for me. My main objective was to organize them not by date, but by category. I am terrible with dates. So, categories (seniors, families, newborns, etc...) work much better for me. Within those categories, I have subfolders by session. It's been a marathon, but thankfully it only took me one evening! I've made it through this tedious task by watching old episodes of Dexter. Creepy show, but entertaining in only a way a Showtime series can be!

While sorting pictures, I came across this oldie, but goodie, of me and my Momma. I love this picture. You can see the love between us. I've been very blessed to have such a wonderful Mom. She truly did everything she could do to raise a good family. She put her own desires aside so many times, just so we could have better. I love my Mom... Thank you, Momma, for teaching me so much about being a parent, for being real with me, for loving me always, and for listening when I really need to just talk. I know I can be myself and you won't judge me. Thank you.

Slowing down... for a minute.

Alright, alright... My blog's not broken. My husband always says, "I think there's something wrong with your blog..." Life has been crazy. My house is a mess, I have folders of pictures waiting to be edited and digitally scrapped, I don't get much time with my son, and I have about 8 thousand craft projects I want to do. Besides that, there are dishes in the sink, my bathroom desperately needs cleaned, and we need new sheets on the beds.

Life, please slow down a bit!

Since I last blogged, our family has grown by 2 feet...


Little Douglas Gregory was born April 30, at 6:40 pm. He weighed 7 lbs, 14 oz, and was 20 inches long. He is about the sweetest thing ever made! My brother and his wife, Sonya are excellent parents and love their little Dougie so much, as do we!

I've been taking a lot of pictures. This one of Dougie was a big accomplishment for me! He's such a sweet little guy! I have really enjoyed taking his newborn pictures. Newborn sessions are a favorite for me.

I've also been taking some pictures of this sweet boy. My Gabers is growing up so fast. I can't believe he's 4 years old. His behavior has greatly improved as far as the tantrums go. We've found that a quarter reward system seems to work really well. At the beginning of each week, he starts out with $5.00 in quarters. When he misbehaves, quarter(s) are taken away. When he behaves really well, or does something really great, he's rewarded with quarters. It seems to be working out really well.

I've also been taking pictures of other people's kids! This cutie pie would not leave his tongue in his mouth throughout the entire session! It was hilarious!

Oh life, you're moving so fast! Slow down just a bit so I can catch up!

NILMDTS

In the past year, I've been on three Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep sessions. It has been a life-changing experience for me. Each session has been very different and each session has been very emotional. I wanted to blog today to raise awareness for this amazing organization. Being a part of it has changed my life in so many ways.

Each time I have gotten a call, the pit in my stomach drops and my palms get sweaty and cold. I start shaking a bit, due to nerves - being nervous about what I'm going to see, what I'm going to hear, and what I'm going to say and do. I pray for my skills and abilities to shine. I pray that I know how to react when I need to. I pray that I remain professional. And I pray for the families. I pray that above all else, that God would hold all of them throughout this time.

I was fortunate enough to go up to the Chicago area for some training on March 6th with Julie Williams. She is on the board for NILMDTS and provides training sessions for photographers. I learned so much from this training and was able to network with some other photographers. Then, Tuesday March 8th, I got a call to go do a session. I was so thankful to have been a part of the training. It helped me get through that particularly tough session.

It's been an honor to be a part of Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep. It's taught me so much about myself, my loss, and how to help others through their loss. It's shown me how to be quietly compassionate... a touch on the shoulder, a whisper to a baby, gentle posing, quietly stepping out of the room, getting water, a soft smile, a small fist wrapped around a pinky... I am honored that parents have had us there in their darkest of moments, those moments of the birth of their child and possibly the passing. The moments when they say goodbye. What an honor that they are trusting you with such precious moments.

This isn't something I "enjoy" doing. I don't look forward to these sessions. I dread them because I know the amount of pain behind them. However, I am totally honored, humbled, and amazed at this organization. I feel like this is something I need to do. I have sobbed and poured my heart out to God for these families (the car ride home is silent except for crying and prayers) and the hug waiting at home for me has become my rock.

I want to encourage anyone out there, photographer, parents, grandparents, etc... when you think about tithing, volunteering, etc... think about this organization. Think about how these parents never want to forget that beautiful child brought into their lives if only for a short time. Thank you, NILMDTS for being such a gift to these families, and to me. I am truly changed.

nearing the end

I've found a couple of things that have really been helping with Gabe's temper tantrum issues. And, they've REALLY been helping. It's amazing how much easier it is to deal with a tantrum when I look at my own behavior during one. I realized I needed to change some things. Rather than getting visibly frustrated, I've really learned to keep my cool and not worry about correcting him in front of others. I've let him calmly and firmly know what is not appropriate. If he continues the behavior, it's out of sight for Gabe. He either needs to go to his room, or be removed from the activity and we'll go into another room and wait for him to calm down. Since I've blogged (granted I was gone over night Saturday) he's done so much better! And, we had an absolutely great day today at the park.

March 30th will be my last day at work. I'm sad to be leaving something I know, but I'm looking forward to what God has in store for me. I am feeling pretty aimless. I have no idea of what I want to be when I grow up! I am still looking for a part time job... hopefully something great will come along!

so, I've had a bad day.

Bad week is more like it. (just be prepared... Debbie Downer's guest blogging today! HA!)

Today, I picked up Gabe from preschool and found out from his teacher that he had some problems in class. He didn't want to get in line at the end of class and he made some faces behind her back when she was trying to correct the situation.

I was really embarassed. One of my friends told me once not to let my child's behavior define whether or not I'm a good parent. But, I feel like it totally does! I mean, obviously, your kids learn that behavior somewhere. I know I don't make faces at Greg, (and hopefully he doesn't make faces at me!) but he's picked it up somewhere. And, we've all thought in our head at one point or another, "Look at that kid... why aren't his parents doing a better job of disciplining him?" Or, "Look at that! My daughter would never do THAT!"

We've been dealing with some really awful tantrums here lately too. Like really awful. Screaming, kicking, hitting, throwing things, etc... I have been dreading blogging about it, because I've been afraid it'll make me look like a bad mom. We love our son so very much. We really are pretty consistent with discipline. He knows if he starts a tantrum, he has to go up to his room and can't come down until he can talk nicely to us. While he's up there, he may throw things (we can hear toys being thrown). Then, he calls downstairs and tells us he's ready to come down. We tell him he cannot come down until he picks up the things he was throwing. So far, that's been working pretty well. The tantrums are pretty short-lived (5-7 minutes, enough time for him to cool down). Then, he comes downstairs and every thing is fine again.

I'd like to get to the point where there are no tantrums at all. Because that first couple of minutes is pretty brutal. It's so hard to keep your patience because you just want to get frustrated and yell back. I finally decided to just blog about this for a couple of reasons... I want other moms to know that if their kids are doing the same things, they are not alone! I feel pretty alone sometimes going through this. Also, it's just really been an issue and I was hoping some of the moms out there that read my blog might have a little advice.

I'm feeling pretty vulnerable about putting this out there. But, I know it and you know it, there's no such thing as a perfect mom! We've all got things we could/should be doing better. And, this is my first go at this... I don't know what's normal and what's not. Any comments/suggestions would be much appreciated! Or, if you want to share your stories too, other moms might benefit from knowing they aren't alone.

Nesting... kind of.

I have no idea how long the adoption process will take this time around, but when we started the adoption process with Gabe, we started the nursery too. It's kind of a fun way to prepare, as you never know when you'll get "the call". I hope it's really fast like last time and we have no time to prepare! But, you never know! Today, I was cleaning out Gabe's closet (where we were keeping the crib pieces) and suggested to Greg and Gabe that we go ahead and put the crib up in the nursery. I expected a little resistance from Greg because we haven't had much of a free weekend for awhile, but a couple of minutes later he said, "Gabers, let's go get the crib and bring it down!" What great boys. I'm so blessed that Greg can see the importance of preparing for the baby, even though we don't really have a pregnancy and we haven't even been matched yet. But, like in Gabe's case, we had 2 days to prepare for him, so the more we had done the better off we were!

The inspiration for the room comes from the figurines above. When my siblings and I were little, my Grandma Smith would have us choose a nursery rhyme figurine from her shelf and she'd recite the rhyme for us. We absolutely loved it. When my Grandma died, we each got one of the figurines. Mine was Little Bo Peep. A few weeks ago, I went on eBay to see if I could find anymore, thinking it was very unlikely. That day I ended up finding 5 more and ordered them right away! When they came in the mail, Gabe LOVED hearing the rhymes. We found his nursery rhyme book and it has become his favorite. The first one he memorized was Georgie Porgie. It's too cute to hear him recite it.

So, would you like a peek at the nursery so far? Keep in mind, I have window treatments, baby bedding, and pillows to make. And those God-forsaken mauve blinds will be GONE.

We're going with a vintage Nursery Rhyme theme. Greg's Mom had given me quite a few vintage linens, so they are being used around the room. I also ordered some vintage chenille to cover some pillows for the bed. The quilt was handmade by a longtime family friend who has since passed away. The quilt on the chair was purchase on eBay for $9.99. The dolls on the chair were mine (Miss Muffett - My favorite doll ever) and an embroidered linen doll.

The crib, changing table, and armoire were in Gabe's nursery. The shelf on the armoire holding the figurines will be painted white. And, of course, the cheap Ikea light is temporary... Just using it to work on the room.

And, finally, some artwork I purchased on eBay for $5.00. I'm going to frame each of these in white frames (with the frames up against each other side by side) on the wall above the crib. I love these vintage prints.

I'm having a really hard time finding nursery rhyme fabric that I love, so I'm still not sure on that. The closest contender right now is this. I'm counting on my bestie, Tami, to help me make some of this stuff! And, I'm so excited that this awesome gal is going to help with the planning and decorating too! I just love her style.

I'm very excited to bring a new member to our family. Gabe will be a great big brother. I can't believe we're actually in the preparation stages! I've been praying for our birth mom... that she is healthy with comfortable pregnancy and that she is being prepared for her decision to place. It's such a hard, selfless thing to do. Her heart will be broken. I'm praying that she will be able put those pieces back together in time.

just stay...

I'm probably one of the weirdest people in that I'd like Winter to stay. Yes, just stay. Winter, you can stay for a while. I'm not ready for Spring.

This time of year is always really hard on me. I know Spring is about everything that's new and green, and don't get me wrong, it's beautiful. But, it's a killer on my thyroid. Cold sweats pretty much on a daily basis. My body can't regulate the in between temperature. 55 degrees is kind of a bad temperature for me... my body just doesn't know what to do - be hot or be cold.

Also, my hair tends to freak out. I can't really straighten it because there isn't really a point! If I go outside, it's done for. If I wear it curly, it's ok, its just not 'beautiful' curls. I don't know if I just haven't figured out the right product or what.

And, March is when my due date was. I really do pretty well throughout the rest of the year. I just think about things a lot more this time of year. I have moved past it and realized that our life is exactly where it should be right now, but I'll never forget March 22nd.

I apologize for being a bit of a "Debbie Downer" tonight. I have so many blessings. I shouldn't be expecting March, April, & May to be "sucky" months. Let's take a look at what I have to look forward to...

March - Scrapbooking Getaway, Photography Training
April - Baby Shower for my Nephew
May - New Little Nephew! {And many photo sessions with him!}

Ok, so I definitely have some exciting things coming up. Life is good, Spring stinks, but it's all good.

Little One

We were outside tonight waiting for Daddy to get home. I begged and pleaded for some pictures with his new Cardinals hat and while we were taking pictures, he pointed up to the sky and said, "Mom, look, it's GOD!" It was a pretty sweet little moment. That's all he really had to say when I asked him about it... "Buddy, God, in the sky?" Gabe: "Yep." ...And that's all he has to say about that! Still, it was pretty sweet.

Gabe really missed his Dad this week and thought while he was gone his Daddy was in jail. No joke. Greg picked up some supper for us tonight and Gabe had to go with him because he didn't want Greg to go back to jail! And, I seriously didn't plant any ideas in the kid's head! Out of the mouths of babes...

News

Got a little breaking news for you all...

Greg, Gabe, & I will be adopting again! Tonight was the perfect night to tell you because I just finished up designing the profile that we will be sharing with prospective birthmoms. This time, rather than scrapbooking the entire thing and making copies, I made the pages in Photoshop and we're going to print them from home. It was a little more stressful this time around, just finding the time to sit down at the computer with a busy 4 year old! But, it's done and ready! And, so are we!

I mentioned before that I am being let go from my job effective March 31, or sooner, depending on whether or not they have enough work to keep me. So, ideally, there'd be a birth mom out there that we'd be matched with that was due right at the end of March! Then, I could take a maternity leave and hope to find another job. I hate to start another job and have to tell them that I don't know when I'll be "due"! :)

As we found out with Gabe, when the time is right, the time is right. So, we're going to let go and let God take care of the timing. He already knows if there's a baby out there meant to be in our family and when the timing will be. I'm not worried... I'm just really excited! Close family and friends know, but now it's time to share it with the "internot" as Gabe would call it.

Just some answers to questions we've been receiving:

1. Will it be a boy or girl this time? Well, we're not sure! You don't get to choose, and that's a-ok with us, since with a pregnancy you don't get to choose either.
2. Does Gabe know? We've talked about it and asked him if he'd like a brother or sister some day. He really wants a "brudder".
3. Where will the baby be from? We have no idea. We only know we will be having a domestic adoption again this time. Meaning, we will only be adopting in the United States. Hopefully, the birth family will be close so we can visit with them.
4. Will you have an open adoption again? Yes, we want both of our children to know their birth families. We prefer it this way... it's been such a blessing to know Gabe's birth family.

Speaking of birth families, I have posted a picture of Gabe with his birth grandma and his birth mom. (with their permission) We love them and have been so blessed, so very blessed to have them in our lives. They are very excited for us too and have been very willing to be a reference for us. They have just warned us that we probably won't find better than them though! :) They really are the greatest.

my playlist

When I like a song, I like a song. I listen to it over and over for a couple of weeks to a month, move on, don't listen to it for like 3 years, hear it again and it's my new favorite song. Some of my faves from the past (we're talking high school and everything!) I'm also known for saying, "I don't like it." And, next week, guess what? It's my new favorite song. And, up until I found out I was losing my job, I was (yes, I admit it) one of those people that still bought CD's in the store. Oh my gosh, I know! But, now, I'm better about asking my husband to download them (since AHEM my friend Grant won't make me a CD!) Grrr...

I guess what I'm explaining is I have a pretty varied taste in music. I like alternative, rock, Christian, country, a little rap, a little folk, etc... I can usually appreciate something about all different types of music. So, I thought I'd share some of my favorites right now. New & old, because honestly, I have no idea when songs come out. I don't really listen to the radio... I get recommendations, and I either like or don't like. So, here you go, my current playlist:

Animal - Neon Trees

Jack's Mannequin - The Mixed Tape (this will stay on all future playlists FYI)

The Band Perry - If I Die Young This video is worth a watch... creepy.

Van Morrison - Into the Mystic (I KNOW this one is old) This will also forever remain on the playlist. This is my favorite song of all time... all time. And, I will never apologize for this.

Jack Ingram - Goodnight Moon (OH MY I love this song)

Jack's Mannequin - Dark Blue I really like this video too.

The Fray - You Found Me

The Script - Break Even

Lit - My Own Worst Enemy

Ben Folds - The Luckiest

Boys Like Girls - Two is Better than One

Bryan Adams - When You Love Someone (Also always on the playlist)

Ben Folds - Gracie

And, finally, this one will always be on the playlist: xoxo

So, that's what I'm listening to! Old, new, and in between!

It's a........

Dan and Sonya are having a BOY! He's due in May. I can't wait to be an aunt again. It's amazing how you can love your nieces and nephews so much! I am so fortunate to have 3 beautiful nieces and 1 1/2 nephews!

Here's Gabe with is three cousins - My nieces, Katie & Julia and my nephew, Braden. They are such great kids! They're all so talented! Between the three of them, we have athletes, chess players, musicians, and just overall great kids!

And this little beauty is Gabe's newest cousin, Anna Grace. I have a feeling Dan & Sonya's boy and our Gabers are going to be quite protective of this girl!

Dan and Sonya will be wonderful parents because that is what they were meant to do. I can totally see my brother with a little boy... showing him the ropes of the farm, going on four wheeler rides, etc... Congratulations, Brother & Sonya... This will be the greatest blessing of your life!

Countdown to 4

Me and Gabe... around 4 hours old.

Gabe just over 4 days old.

Gabe and his Grandma Smith at 4 weeks old.

Gabers zonked out at 4 months old.

Gabe and his very happy parents at 1 year old. (photo by KnightLight)

Gabe and Mommy at his 2nd birthday blowing out candles.

Gabe, I mean Batman, at his 3rd birthday party.

Gabe, 6 days before his 4th birthday.

When I think about my life right now, its all happy smiles... I can't believe I have a near 4 year old boy! And, can you believe I've blogged 3 days in a row? I can't wait to do the post on his birthday party. I love getting ready for birthday parties!